The Power of "You're Okay"

Having a child is terrifying.

There. I said it.

At least it was terrifying for me. When hubby and I left the hospital with our first child, aged two days, I know that we were both at least moderately terrified. Here we were, first-time parents and the kindly nurses and hospital staff were actually letting us leave the hospital with this precious baby. Alone. Without supervision. Gulp!!

Oh - those first days (weeks? months? years?? decades??!) When every new development with our child came with so many questions, so many concerns. Is this normal? Are we doing this right? Is he okay? Are we okay?!!

If you are anything like me, I had friendly friends and caring family who would pop in for visits, and the question I often heard was "Are you doing okay? Is the baby okay?"

How to answer!! I felt as though if I gave an honest response, I would have either burst into tears or bombard my poor guest with never-ending questions. So my general reply was something along the lines of "We're doing okay; just tired/adjusting/figuring things out".

Of course, I was just so utterly, utterly overwhelmed and exhausted, incapable of anything more than nursing and fretting, it was impossible for me process what I really wanted.

I just wanted to hear that I was doing okay. That my baby was okay. That we were doing everything we needed to, and that all would be okay.

"You're okay".

Because that's all we really need to hear. That we are doing alright, that this is normal, that we will muddle through, and the details will sort themselves out. We don't need advice, or horror stories, anecdotes about how little sleep they got in their own first days of parenthood, or how difficult it was to get a rhythm to their days. No parent with a brand new baby needs to hear those things! They just don't!!

So, there you go. That's what parents of new babes need. Gentle reassurance.

And a snack. And a hug. And a shower. And a nap.

But not necessarily in that order.

Some Good Advice

When I was pregnant with my first child, I was interviewing Doulas to assist with the birth. After a while, some of the interviews started to blend together but two really stuck out; one was with the Doula I ultimately hired, and the other with a seasoned local Doula who gave some wonderful advice.

Babywearing one of my twins for the first time.

"Don't worry about your home" she said. "Don't worry about entertaining visitors, about getting dressed, about running errands or getting anything accomplished. Really just focus on nursing your new baby, resting and making sure you eat and drink enough."

I nodded and smiled; it seemed like good advice, but I'd be fine. I would.

Of course after the birth of my first child, I didn't rest enough, or take care of myself very well. My babymoon was spent slotting nursing in around my to do list.

I didn't follow that great advice.

My second pregnancy gave me twins, and again although it seemed like good advice, I was way too busy to follow it. Granted having newborn twins and a busy preschooler made it a little more challenging, but I bounced back from an unexpected c-section by going to parties, heading back to work with a month of delivery and keeping my home in order.

And yet again I didn't follow that great advice! And goodness, I wish I had.

Those early days and weeks are so very short. The time to spend snuggled up with our babies, breathing in their baby goodness, those days when all it seems we 'accomplish' is sitting on the sofa nursing. Those days are so precious.

Don't worry about your home, entertaining visitors, getting dressed, running errands or getting anything accomplished.

Sit. Snuggle. Enjoy. Recover. Bond.

That is my advice to you.